The Expensive Fast Food Experience

Do you know what I hate?

I hate how expensive the fast food experience is.  

With my wife now working and me getting home late, or me having to coach a baseball or hockey tea, dinner is too often a take-out family affair.

For reference, I live in Toronto, and as such, if anyone is from somewhere else, you may not recognize a few of the fast food franchises I mention - but I'm sure you'll still get it.

Over the past month, we've had: McDonald's, Wendy's, Harvey's, Subway, Mr. Sub, Momma's Pizza, Popeye's, Chinese and Thai food, Fat Bastard's, KFC and even Taco Bell - all from local quickie restaurants.

Holy crud… that's horrible when you write it all out knowing secretly that you visited some more than just once.

Aside from gaining the best bang for my buck from the Chinese take-out knowing that I have left overs for at least another four total plates, I was surprised that the next biggest value came from KFC, which was less expensive than all others (including the Chinese restaurant), and left me with enough leftovers for a single satisfying lunch. Their soft drink selection is not my personal favorite, however. Coca-Cola, please.

At least I had vegetables with the Chinese food. I don't think all those secret spices and herbs or French fries count via KFC.

It is true… I could have had salads at any of these places, but I am an omnivore, and where possible, I prefer meat with my meals.

Besides, just listening to my wife complain, every time she's tried to order the salad she wants from a fast food outlet, she's told they are out of the salad she wants… once, twice, sure… but every time? This has happened at McDonald's and once at Wendy's a year ago.

It's like some franchisees must not be ordering every standard item in order to save money should it not sell in time. In this case, it's McDonald's, and it happens more often than it should at two nearby Etobicoke locations.

I mentioned KFC… excluding the last time I visited the nearby restaurant near the Kipling subway station, I've had to sit and wait nearly 30 minutes for my order, which isn't overly complicated, but invariably ends up wrong. And after 30 minutes.

For the record, I have been to McDonald's restaurants where if I had to wait five minutes, they would apologize and slip me a voucher for something free next time, or tell me that they added a couple of free apple pies to my order. Those franchises are top-notch.

But KFC… at least that one place… never. Not so much as an apology… not so much as eye contact… not so much as McDonald's.... though my last visit to McDonald's to get a small order of Chicken McNuggets meant that they forgot to put in my plum/sweet & sour sauce... meaning I would have had it eat it dry.... luckily I had a bottle of plum sauce at home. 

I once went to a KFC/Taco Bell in my neighborhood... arriving at at 10 minutes to 6PM, waited five minutes and got the bucket of chicken and order of Taco Bell for the kid. Five minutes. They were friendly, and actually apologized for my wait. So I know real fast food service does exist.

In the past, I have waited over 25 minutes for order, so the term fast food doesn't always apply here. And, that five minute KFC order is certainly NOT the norm at that particular restaurant. It's NOT the line-up... though I have found the staff to be a little slow in taking the orders... rather it's the fact that they run out of chicken, and are in the midst of deep frying more. Chicken... it's part of the name... Kentucky Fried Chicken. Always have plenty ready for the lunch and dinner crowds!

That particular KFC outlet did have 'Help Wanted' signs up on the windows looking for staff and upper and middle-management… so that means the old guard is out, and hopefully this current and new guard helps dawn a new day at KFC. Fast food! Or at least faster food!

At the local Harvey's burger place, we receive exemplary and friendly service - so much so that my son even commented on it to me afterwards. I went back alone to the place the following weekend, saw the young woman who helped me and told her what my son  said… and whether it was true or not, she said she recalls he and I coming in last week. I have a recognizable face and voice, so it is possible.

Actually, my wife went in once to the same location (My son and I were still at a baseball game), and the clerk at Harvey's asked if she was also going to order a meal for her son and husband, implying she knew us! She was, and knew what I wanted on my burger without much prompting from my wife. Now that's service!

Still… despite her great service at Harvey's... and the points I can earn for free tickets to the movies... cost-wise it wasn't exactly a bargain. Don't get me wrong… aside from those useless fried pickles (burned) and their hopeless onion rings (what the hell is that coating?!), Harvey's has a tasty menu…but I just wish it was more affordable. 
 
Subway… I don't know when the malaise set in… perhaps when you let anyone become a franchise owner… but artiste's your sandwich makers are not. Are they all now franchisee-owned? Now every place is run by an entire family... which can be either great or terrible depending on the customer service level of the family.

On the negative Subway franchise, one practically has to beg to get a few more black olives tossed on, as each artiste seems to only be artistic at being parsimonious (stingy) with the toppings. Except for the salt and pepper… just one shake across, not back and forth and back again.

Still… for a sandwich made by an artist who may be artistic in a different medium (like having a BA in psychology or political science - useless... I know, I have one), the prices for the meal are high enough to leave me hungry. Especially a couple of hours later. My wife swears her bread wasn't fresh. Eat fresh… sure… maybe at noon.

As for the rest… the complaints aren't long, except that they seem pricey. Okay… maybe not Mamma's Pizza. But man can not live on pizza and wings alone every day. I know… I've tried.

At Popeyes… I think the biggest problem I, and my 149 IQ have, is that the menu is the most scattered piece of crap I have ever seen.

Maybe it's different in the U.S., but the only one I've been to in Etobicoke seems to have a menu that never matches exactly what the current ads on television are showing.

Popeye's used to have a shrimp po boy sandwich that was decent, but I think it went extinct from their menu. It's not clear what sides they have nor how they can be applied to the order. The food is good, but heavy on the battered skin. Which is fine… but, dahlin', I'm not even sure if there's skin under all that crunchy stuff.

Again… while service is always easy to critique for any of these fast food places, I have seen improvement in some, and not in others. I assume the workers are doing their best.

One of the biggest issues I have with fast food restaurants, is them actually getting my order filled correctly.

I would say roughly 100 percent of the time, my order from the Chinese and Thai restaurants and Harvey's and Momma's Pizza are done correctly.

The rest of the restaurants are a real crap shoot - especially when using the drive thru at say… McDonald's… I'd say we're at an 85% clip of getting things right… a percentage that is helped along by the morning crew which seems to do a fantastic job.  

But that's not even the issue. Fast food restaurants original claim to fame was to provide quick, and easy foods at affordable prices… and every year they all continue to falter at one of those three key things.

Quick? Easy? Affordable?

Quick and easy, sure. When my order is correct.


But affordable, not so much.

Instead, what I am finding more affordable, and ust as tasty, and perhaps even healthier (depends on the salt values), is the ready-made meal in a package… or even the in-store grocery meals... like what I can find at President's Choice (loblaws), for example.

They sell a cooked BBQ'd chicken… that's under $10 and there's enough for a total of six to eight meals. We can add our own veggies or we can purchased something made by the grocery store's kitchen.

Granted some grocery stores have far better in-store kitchens than others, so caveat emptor. Let the buyer beware.

The meals from the chain grocery stores are decidedly tastier, timelier and far more affordable than damn near anything else out there. Again... this is because of our evening sports schedule.

The grocery store pre-made meals might even be healthier than the fast food restaurant stuff, but I don't have any nutritional data to back any of that up. I'm looking for convenience and affordability.

The healthiest just might be Subway... but with a hungry kid, $30 for our dinner seems like a lot of money - especially when I'm still hungry afterwards.

I'm not anti-fast food here. I enjoy the cuisine… and while I can appreciate the fact that there are higher costs for ingredients, employees, rent, electrical and heat and all the incidentals, I really do have concerns that one of the hallmarks of fast food convenience—affordability—is going the way of the dodo.

So, with a caveat…

Do you know what I hate?

I hate how expensive the fast food experience is... oh... and getting my order wrong, too.

Photo by Oliver Sjöström on Unsplash

 

I Hate Summer

Do you know what I hate?

I hate summer!

Sure I love the sunshine and the green grass and being able to wear shorts.

But what I hate about summer is my cat.

I love my cat, but I hate my cat in the summer when I wear shorts.

Fred, my cat loves to jump up on me and fall asleep on my lap... all 20 pounds of him. The problem is, when he jumps off, he extends his damn claws, and snicker-snack, I'm scratched up.

The worst is when he tries to jump directly onto my lap... and doesn't quite make it... so he extends his claws to try and climb his way onto my lap.

I hate my cat in the summer, and as such...

You know what I hate? I hate my cat in the summer when I wear shorts.

Raccoons Getting Into My Raccoon-Proof Food Waste Bin

You know what I hate?

I hate raccoons getting into my raccoon-proof food waste bin.

Raccoons… trash pandas…

Living in the suburbs of Toronto isn’t such a bad thing. There’s plenty of space to raise a family, convenience to subways and buses and highways, schools of every kind imaginable, grocery stores, convenience stores, shopping malls—all sorts of everything one could want.

While there are a plethora of fast-food restaurants… and while they don’t like you calling them that, that’s what they are. There is a dearth (lack) of decent and inventive restaurants where I am, but I suppose I could always go downtown to the more urban part of Toronto if I so desired.

While there are always plenty of things one could point at in a negative manner re: the suburban life, today I’m just going to pick on the raccoon.

I’m sure raccoons serves some sort of purpose on this planet—I’m just not sure what it is except to annoy Andrew every Wednesday evening and Thursday morning.

That’s when I put my garbage out and when the garbage is picked up.

Recently, the City of Toronto—in response to rising complaints of raccoons constantly getting into people’s garbage bins and food waste bins, developed after much ballyhoo a new plastic food waste container with a lock, and delivered them to homeowners around Toronto.

Everybody cheered. Even I did.

But no longer.

Raccoons are still getting in to the bins, scattering stinky, smelly food waste all over the place.

I’m sure some of you might tell me to simply NOT put my food waste bins et al out until the morning, after all raccoons are nocturnal.

Great point. If that works for you, by all means do it.

It doesn’t work for me because the waste collectors in my part of the city are near nocturnal, too, driving by to pick up and dump the bins BEFORE I wake-up or BEFORE I am full-dressed and out the door in the morning… so let’s say some time before 7:45AM.

I don’t see or hear them—and here I am talking about the waste collectors, , so I assume it’s being done at some time just after 7AM. 

This is not a complaint even though the early start seems extraordinarily early… but NO… it’s well within the City’ of Toronto’s guidelines about pick-ups… just NOT before 7AM.

Background on Raccoons… these omnivores (they eat veggies and meat) have a life span between three to five years, which seems entirely too long to me.

They eat, according to www.sandswildlifecontrol.com, “everything including dog and cat food, birdseed, many fruits, carrion, fish, eggs, fresh water mussels, Cray fish, campsite foodstuff, lawn grubs, sweet and field corn. Will kill and eat chickens and ducks.”

They left out garbage. My garbage more often than anyone else’s.

Here’s the deal regarding the City of Toronto’s new food waste (organics) bins:

According to the City of Toronto, almost 50% (by weight) of household waste is organic material.

The City says that: “There is no limit on the amount of Green Bin materials that may be placed for collection each week, however a Green Bin cannot weigh more than 20 kg (44 lbs).
Note: The weight maximum only applies to older Green Bins that are manually collected.”

Confusing… Just tell us:

• Older Green Bin: Maximum weight of 20 kg (44lbs) for manually-collection.
• New Green Bin: No maximum weight.

Hmm… still, I would have expected a manual weight on the new Green bins… you know, so as to not over-feed the raccoons.

Content that can go into a Green bin are: breads, cereals, baked goods, pizza (why aren’t you eating your pizza!?), fruits, vegetables, coffee grounds, filters and tea bags, house plants, diapers and sanitary products, napkins, paper towels, facial towels (unsullied by chemicals of make-up), meat, fish, shellfish, nuts and its shells, grains, egg shells and dairy products (don’t pour milk in there).

Basically… everything that raccoons seem to have developed a taste for as suburbanite dwellers of the night.  

These new Green bins are, according to the City of Toronto:

• easy for residents to use;
• a new animal-resistant latch;
• more capacity for increased diversion (37% of garbage is organic material);
• designed for automated collection

When they say animal-esistant, they meant raccoon-resistant… but I can tell you that it is not.

I'm not saying anyone is lying, I'm just saying they really didn't do a proper test... or if they did, they sure as heck didn't perform the test in a known raccoon-area. Uh... you did do real live wild raccoon testing right? City of Toronto, you saw those results, right?

The results were negative, right... which in this case means they are negative in success, not negative as in not letting raccoons in... we're talkin' negative results.... right?

Here’s a photo of the two types of Organics Green bins given to residents of the City of Toronto. The tall bin on the RIGHT, replaced the one one the left.

Very tall... and with bags of organic waste placed in it, the centre of gravity is low, making it easy to push over... I guess I could put more waste in it to fill it to the top - to also make it heavier... but it would have to be other types of organic waste, if you know what I mean. Oh no! Sugar Honey Ice Tea!

Of course, I have pretty big raccons in my neighbourhood, so I'm sure that the bigger the pile of organic waste I place in my Green Bin the harder it will fall...

I use a spade to shovel up the spilled organic waste.

What ticks me off even more, is that the raccoon doesn't even take everything that spills out... like it it knocks over bins all over the neighbourhood and gets into several of them to pick and choose what it wants to eat like it was in a cafeteria!

In the photo at the top, it left a chicken leg!!! WTF, raccoon?! I know I didn't scare it away!

"I had chicken last week! Somebody toss me a pork chop!"

Raccoons... picky effing eaters! Who knew?! 

  

Here’s what I saw at Midnight May 31, 2017:

A raccoon came from the right of my house (the neighbour’s believe there’s a family there behind a shed), sniffed my Green Bin, got on its hind legs and pushed it forward towards the road.

The bin did not open. Why would it? There’s a lock on it. I set the lock as I always do, turning the plastic dial to the lock position.

That was a midnight right on the dot… the witching hour.

I watched as the raccoon scurried across the street, sniffed the neighbour’s collection of waste and garbage… moved on, continuing left (north) to the next house… snifffing their bins…

Not finding what it was looking for, the raccoon crossed back to my side of the street and sniffed the organics waste bin two houses to my right.

Jackpot!

It reared on its hind legs and pushed it forward towards the road.

That Green Bin was either unlocked (human neighbour’s fault), or it was locked and quickly manipulated… and by quickly, I’m saying within 30 seconds, because I was outside snapping a photo…

Could a raccoon manipulate the dial from Locked to Unlock in less than 30 seconds and start ripping open a bag throwing organic waste everywhere on the road?

I didn’t see it… so maybe the raccoon grabbed a bag and went off somewhere to eat it… though I’ve only ever seen them eat-in, rather than do take-out.

Poor neighbour… but since I don’t know them… they never say hello… screw them.

Karma…

I went out and righted the Green bin.

Then, at 12:37AM, a bang outside as the smaller garbage bin was tipped over by a raccoon.

Looking out the window I didn’t see the raccoon, but I put my shoes on again and went out to right the bin. Two bags of garbage had spilled out, and had clawed a single tear into each of the two bags. However, nothing was ripped out…

I didn’t scare it away, I’m just guessing it didn’t find what it was sniffing for.

I went to bed at 1:15, content that I was safe.

I went outside to go to work… stepping over the displaced shingles on my steps as the roofing crew got an early start on replacing my roof… and there… there it was… the damn raccoon(s) had tipped over my green organics bin, ripped open a bag and spewed food all over the road… well, actually under the trailer of the roofing crew who was nice enough to have picked the bin back up rather than drive over it.

Apples, French fries, and orange?!

I assume that raccoons actually eat the organic waste I leave bagged in clear bags inside the bin, and don’t just do it out of spite to merely rip it open and throw garbage everywhere. But who knows…

So… Karma came to me in raccoon-form.

I know the Green Bid was locked, and locked properly.

I can only now assume that the raccoons are knocking the bins over and are manipulating the locks to open the bins…

or, when the bins are tipped over the weight of the bagged organic waste pushes the lid to a slight opening allowing a tiny access point for a raccoon claw to grab it and pull it out… I expressed that thought a few weeks earlier… 

Recently, the Toronto Star newspaper published an article on how great these Green Bins were - how raccoon proof they were.

Myself and a few other folk wrote to the author and told them that he did not have the complete story…  that just because people don’t call the city to complain doesn’t mean the problem doesn’t exist.

I described my thoughts on how I thought the raccoons might be getting into my locked organic bin…

The Toronto Star—a newspaper publisher I was a reporter for years ago—screwed my name up, placing my surname first. That could be a whole other “You Know What I Hate” blog.

That news article is HERE. The photo mentioned in the article is the one taken at the very top of this blog article.

Anyhow… since the City of Toronto has only provided its residents with a green bin that is sort of an upgrade on the older version in the fight against trash pandas, perhaps it would be nice if they either provided residents with a brand new shovel to better scoop of the waste from their roads after the waste is dumped upon them.

It’s not my road… it’s the City’s.

Either that or get more people-power to trap and release the suburban raccoon problem back into the wild.

By the way… for those of you who might suggest that the raccoons were here first. Not true. 

The house I occupy was built in 1946… my family moved in in 1973. I can guarantee that we never had issues with raccoons until the 1980s… though of course that may just be revisionist thinking.

Do you know what I hate?

I hate raccoons getting into my raccoon-proof food waste bin.

Sears Sucks!

Do you know what I hate?

The customer service at Sears.

Every day at lunch, I drive my car to Fairview Mall and walk the aisles in air-conditioned comfort - with my only concern the meanderings of women pushing baby-strollers, love drunk couples who suddenly have no concept of a straight line, and those idiots who are constantly checking their mobile phones for non-existent messages (no one likes you) or those who are talking on the phone while standing in the middle of the aisles being complete dicks.

Along with the walk, I will sometimes frequent various shops.

I am well-known and loved at LEGO, and am treated well at Shoppers Drug Mart, Coles, and EB Games. I've hit various other places as well including Manchu Wok, where they greet me with a friendly smile and decent friendly conversation because everyone is very nice there. I will add that the McDonald's is also very efficient, and I will forgive their very short shortcomings in the friendliness department only because they are so efficient with the larger hungry crowds.

And then there's Sears.

Sears - like many large retailers - has been having a tough time of it sales wise and I feel a tinge of sorrow for all large retailers.

While I have requested help (once) and was efficiently helped at Sears, my experience at lunch time on October 8, 2015, left me with a bitter bile taste in my mouth and a desire to never shop there again.

I needed a new belt for my pants, and easily found what I was looking for and moved towards the checkout.

There is only one checkout on the second floor - and that is a central one near the escalators, where there are four cash registers…

I got in line… standing in one line that would break up to the corresponding checkout depending on which one opened up first. Fair and easy to follow.

The line-up, however, was 12 people deep when I arrived. That's not a lot, so no big deal for me or the other patrons waiting to cash out.

After some 10 minutes of waiting, things hadn't moved up much—there were only two clerks working the check-out, when a third clerk arrived.

Of course, by that time, I saw three people leave the line in disgust throwing down their purchases at the long delay in being served.

Their departure, of course meant that I could move up in line a bit quicker… hence I only had to spend 12 minutes in line. Moving up via attrition.

So… I hand my belt to the clerk, she looks at it, asks if I will be paying with my Sears credit card - I don't have one.

She then suggests cash, but I suggest I would pay by my bank debit card.

She then tells me that the debit line is down and they can only serve me if I have cash… or if I would like to sign up for a Sears credit card.

How many people carry around hundreds of dollars with them anymore? I saw a man with a couple of pairs of coats and pants throw down his purchases with disgust earlier because of the wait.

What if he only had a bank debit card to pay for his purchases?

Sure many people have credit cards already in hand - I do - but most of us already have a lot of credit card debt, and perhaps like myself don't have the room on the card to add more.

I know I don't want any more credit car debt and am doing my best to make my monthly payments, let alone knock it down a wee bit every payment.

Earlier in line, I had watched the same clerk's incompetence in helping one woman start up a Sears Credit Card - couldn't spell the customers name correctly… it took her and the customer some five minutes… maybe more… I was only there for five minutes of it…to get a card... and another minute to pay the bill for her purchases.

I did have enough money in my bank account - today - to make the purchase, but did not have any cash on me to cover the cost of the belt.

In disgust at not being able to pay for a belt I can afford at this time, I take 10 seconds to complain to the clerk that at some point in time over the past 10 minutes-plus when I had been standing in line, they could have told us and the other customers that the bank debit line was down.

She says they had been making announcements.

Uh - no. If they had been, one had not been made in the 10 minutes I had been standing in line, or the five minutes I had spent finding a belt in my size that I liked.

I leave the clerk with the belt I was going to purchase and walk out of the store empty-handed.

Hey Sears… ever wonder why profits and sales are down, down, down?

You don't train your staff to provide even the most basic of customer service.

Sears as an entity deserves a belt.

Do you know what I hate?

The customer service at Sears.

Rogers Communications Doesn't Care

I should mention that over these past few years, I have ripped into many a wide range of general social behavioral topics, and into a few companies themselves, such as KFC, McDonalds, CIBC and Rogers Communications for their poor customer service.

I'm not saying things should go back to the good old days of the pre-1960s when everyone at at the dinner table, and mom and dad wore good clothes (picture Ward Cleaver in a suit and tie!), but the 21st century has already seen (by me) some pretty crappy customer service levels.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't say that I have enjoyed EXCELLENT customer service from many a restaurant, shop or service - so: Kudos to LEGO (in-store and help line), Coca-Cola (marketing), Fat Bastards and Burrito Boys, Manchu Wok, Mister Sub, Quiznos, Shell, and of course all of the small business I deal with such as my garage, barber, etc.

I'm a pretty friendly guy, and will not have to go out of my way to ask how someone is doing… it's as easy as a smile, which I also provide for free.

So… it is troubling when I feel compelled to write a diatribe about some crappy customer service received.

It IS my right to expect excellent customer service. And yes, you are correct… if I don't like it, I can go somewhere else… and I have. Crappy haircuts from First Choice no more - regardless of the fact that I enjoy the rapper between myself and the hairstylist.

Now.. while I have railed on, in the past about CIBC - and I know many of you loyal readers have as well, I will say that I was impressed by them when they tracked me down and physically telephoned me to discuss my complaint.

Someone was actually monitoring their social media (Twitter, Google, Facebook etc.) and saw my complaint.

It took two days, but they spent the time to track me down and actually apologize for the shoddy behavior of their credit card department - even though it is essentially a separate entity from the bank.

Now, now… I know nothing is perfect, and many of you have issues with the CIBC and CIBC Visa - I know.

Just know that social media is an effective tool.

Except when it comes to companies that simply don't give a crap about you and your opinions… like McDonalds, KFC, and god help me - Rogers Communications.

Anyone can mess up an order for food, or have delays - it just shouldn't be a 15 minute wait for an Angus burger or 15-minute wait for a burrito (that happened last week at KFC). Meanwhile… the drive-through is served quicker and sooner… I watched cars move in and move out, with packs of food larger than my own.

It's an Angus burger… a common product, not a camel hotdog that needs to be found in the bowels of the freezer in the basement!

But Rogers… Rogers….

My wife's great aunts used to babysit Ted Rogers father… and the Rogers family put the great aunts through school.

My father-in-law wrote a book on Reginald Fessenden - radio inventor - and met with Ted Rogers.

Myself, I have sat in Ted Roger's private box for numerous baseball and soccer games, as an employee of Rogers Communications.

We have a history… and a good one.

But one, whose near past and present continues to be tarnished by incompetence and plain old rudeness.

It's sad, really.

Maybe I expect too much… Maybe CIBC shouldn't have tracked me down after I wrote a nasty blog, and maybe shouldn't have apologized… then I wouldn't feel so slighted by companies like Rogers Communications.

It's been weeks, months and even years - with nary an acknowledgement. Granted this is a pretty small blog… but is there not someone monitoring social media to respond to either libelous comments or legitimate complaints?

I've previously beat my head against my desk trying to deal with people at Rogers over the incredible lack of service regarding my E-mail address that suddenly became blocked… with them simply stating there was nothing they could do about it.

There were all the people - twice now - calling me up offering me fantastic savings… but when one was interrupted by a fire alarm (yes, a legitimate excuse), they never called back.

When one called to offer me a MORE than half-price bundle that would save me around $1300 a year if I switched to Rogers for a 2-year plan… after I mentioned that I was a loyal Rogers customer, I was hung up on with nary a word.

And still… no one from Rogers has ever reached out (the way CIBC did) to apologize.

As such, I'm going to write about Rogers more often. Like now. At least one of us is trying to communicate… you know… like that big word that makes up part of your name… 

So… Rogers Communications doesn't care… I have experiences (and lack of experiences) that effectively back up that statement. Rogers does, too… as I would imagine it monitors it's call centers for accuracy… they can check their own RECORDED phone records to see if I am lying or mistaken.

I'm not.

The in-store folks at LEGO had previously thanked me for a compliment mentioned in an earlier blog - showing that some companies keep an eye out.  

Which also worries me regarding Bell Canada - hello?  

Andrew Joseph

Commercialism Of Memorial Day

Do you know what I hate?

It's the commercialism of Memorial Day as celebrated by the U.S.

Despite being a Canadian, I like and respect the United States of America.

While there are many things to like about my cousins to the south of the true North America (Canada, aka USA Jr.), I have always truly admired their patriotism.

It doesn't border on fanaticism, but it is something that all its citizens are keenly aware of and respect (for the most part).

Which brings me to Memorial Day.

Memorial Day is a U.S. federal holiday designed to honor those people who have died while serving its military.

Canada, like much of Europe and other Commonwealth countries, honors its fallen via Remembrance Day on November 11. It's a very solemn occasion. Although businesses are open, we make time during the day to stop whatever we are doing and salute the dead with a moment of silent respect. There no Remembrance Day sales. And that's fine by us.

So WTF is up with Memorial Day in the U.S.?

Memorial Day is the last Monday of May, so its actual date floats around the calendar a bit, but what it stands for shouldn't.

While I am sure the various military branches and towns and cities throughout the U.S. are very respectful of the day and what it stands for, how come retailers are not?

What's up with all the effing sales?

Yes, I'm sure I would like to save a few dollars on my car purchase, sofa, and even on my freedom fries... but to use Memorial Day as the springboard for such crass commercialism?

For shame! Shame!

Shame on everyone offering sales and deals on anything on such a solemn day.

Shame on those who try and save a buck on such a solemn day.

The fighting men and women who died fighting for global freedom - for all these life liberty and pursuit of happiness ideals you yearn for and have - to celebrate their sacrifice in such a crass manner is disrespectful beyond contempt. You might as well go and spit on the flag, ol Glory, herself.

This is MEMORIAL day… a day to REMEMBER and pay one's respects.

You don't have to have actually lost anyone during any particular conflict - you just need to show respect for those that did.

Have a picnic, be with your family. Be with friends. Watch some fireworks, if you will. And pay your respects.

But… paying respects by offering deals to sell your products or services? That's just crass!

Maybe retailers COULD provide special deals to actual serving military personnel and their immediate families… to thank them for their sacrifice in protecting your borders. But these folks are Veterans (Veterans Day honors the living who have previously served), and this isn't their day. It's a day to honor the dead who died wearing a military uniform.

The dead.

The dead shouldn't shouldn't have their memory desecrated by mega retailers seeking greater profits. What… do you think they are doing this to honor the fallen? No… they are doing this to grease their own pockets.

And anytime you have made a purchase thanks to a 'Memorial Day sale', you have fallen into their trap.

I'm not picking on any one retailer in particular, but I like how Walmart's tag line (in the FIRST page of my internet search engine, image above) states one should "Live better."

Yeah… all you dead people who gave your life for America and the concept of freedom… Walmart wants you to 'live better'.

It's not just Walmart, it's damn near EVERY American retailer.

As in any war, there are always profiteers. This, in my opinion, is no different.

Stop trying to capitalize on people's greed and your own! If you didn't need a twin bed two weeks ago, you don't need to get one on this date.

While this may be what America has become, it's not what it was founded on.

Even I, a stupid Canadian, know that.

Wake up, America! Stop celebrating Memorial Day with commercialism. Honor it.

And yeah, I know you enjoy all of those Rights given to you in the Constitution, and all those other ones via Amendments, but the right to dishonor the military fallen? I'm know that's not in there.

Hey look... U.S. retailers have every right to hawk their wares, and they have every right to offer you all fantastic Memorial Day savings. You also have the right to tell them that's not patriotic by not purchasing products listed as such.

I used wish Canadians were half as patriotic as Americans... now, I'm not so sure.

Do you know what I hate?

It's the commercialism of Memorial Day.

Tsk. Tsk.

Rogers Communications

Do you know what I hate?

I hate Rogers Communications.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are aspects of Rogers that I like and respect, having once been an employee of Rogers Communications - a writer for an industrial magazine they owned until they sold us.

No hard feelings, because I like my new overlords, but I do still miss my Rogers 50% employee discount on TV, Internet, Telephone and even Blue Jays baseball tickets. Who wouldn't? Oh yeah, I don't have a cellular phone and don't want one.

As of now, I spend around $205 a month on the TV, Internet and Telephone. That's what it is, and I'm not complaining, though five years ago, that was only around $90 thanks to the Rogers employee discount.

Anyhow, today, May 23, 2015 at around 7:15PM, the telephone rang... a 1-905 area code number, implying that it could be from somewhere outside the city of Toronto boundaries (though not Mississauga... you don't need the 1 to dial Toronto).

Whatever. The missus and boy are in Thornhill, Ontario tonight for a family reunion, and I'm at home playing MLB 2015: The Show.

I answer the telephone, I'm told that the gentleman calling is from Rogers and he asked me how I was. I responded politely (as usual) with a 'fine' and asked how he was this evening. A 'good, thanks for asking' was offered.

All great, right?

Then he goes into the spiel... but it's an interesting spiel.

Rogers is offering a two-year bundle for Television, Internet, and Telephone for $92, with no strings attached, no hidden fees... just a two-year contract.

Now... the implication from the Rogers representative (and thus Rogers), was that it seemed like he wanted me to join Rogers, so I said:

"Uh... I'm all ready with Rogers."

CLICK.

He effing hung up on me.

He never said a word... just used his Rogers tool to say everything that needed to be said.

No offer given to me to accept this great deal that would save me money. Nope.

No apology for the confusion and thanks for being a loyal Rogers customer. Nope.

Just CLICK.

A big EFF YOU.

Thanks, Rogers. It's great that you not only know WHO your customers are, but that it is apparent you know how to treat said customers with respect.

Let's make some new commercials showing Canada just what you are really like!

Do you know what I hate?

I hate Rogers Communications.

Driving In Toronto

Do you know what I hate?

It's driving in Toronto.

Image above: @BlueBunnyBlog/Twitter from November 19, 2014 - Avenue Road, Toronto. 

I'm a good driver. I don't have any tickets, I don't swerve in and out of traffic. I will let cars change lanes in front of me if they are signaling to do so. I drive the speed limit and even more if that is what traffic around me dictates - keeping up without being stoopid.

I even keep my car in good shape, topped up - thanks Kelly's Garage in Etobicoke - tires filled… I even clean off the snow from my car so that it doesn't blow all over the cars behind me… you know… because I don't want to be an a$$shole.

Also… I don't (no longer) drive excessively fast… not that I could even if I wanted to.

Welcome to Toronto… a supposedly world-class North American city that now - infamously - has longer traffic commutes than even the oft-parodied Los Angeles.

Yeah… next time you see Hollywood or TVLand make fun of the pains of driving in LA, just know that it's worse in Toronto.

Plus we have snow.

Now.. we don't have as much snow in Toronto as say… Buffalo… or Minnesota - just two examples that come to mind… in fact, I wonder if we even have as much snow as Boston, Chicago or New York… you star athletes keep that in mind when choosing your destination - I'm talking to you NBA players! yeah… I'd rather play in Miami or someplace warm, too. Wimps.

I don't mind the cold. It's 24F this day, and I'm not wearing a sweater and I'm still wearing my spring jacket. It's Toronto and it's not really that bad yet.

Yesterday evening - Wednesday, November 20, 2014 - it was a nice brisk day… I went for a drive at lunch - just around the block because sometimes one has to clear the mind. No snow on the ground… nothing.

But… by 4PM, snow had fallen. Big whoop, I thought. How bad could it be?

Snow wise - no big deal… maybe two inches (five centimeters) - maybe three inches (7.5 cm).

Maybe.

I left work at 4:15PM.

I essentially drive on Highway 401 (4-lane), get off at Highway 409 (3-lane) (grand total of 20.5 kilometers), exit onto Martingrove Road (2 and then 1-lane) and drive the remaining seven or so kilometers to my house.

It's 27.5 kilometers. Not much.

Back in 1999 I first worked in the very same area (one street over).

Travel times (average):
1999: 20 minutes
2014: 40 minutes
November 19, 2014: 3 hours and five minutes. Yes… 185 minutes.

Take into account that the last bit of that ride - the 7.5 kilometers was done on city streets and only took about 15 minutes.

That means it took 170 minutes to drive 20 kilometers.

I'm not even going to talk about my bladder, suffice to say I did painfully walk up the stair of my house to get there in time.

Granted we had our first snowfall in Toronto - for fer crissakes it was only 5 centimeters (2-inches)!!!!!!

Look at the photo above... that was last night... not even any accumulation on the vehicles. 

I can't even blame construction - which is constant activity to prep for the games… Commonwealth? Pan Am? Whatever…

Olympics and World Championships… the rest is just a cash grab. You aren't even up against the best global athletes in many cases at events like the Pan Am Games or Commonwealth Games.

There were no accidents along my route. It was just traffic. 

Now… there was a salting truck on Highway 401 going westbound - but it was salting the shoulder.

I don't blame it… there was no need to salt the four-lane highway because there were NO snowplows doing their job - at least not in front of us.

Why should snowplows be on the road? It had only been snowing for three hours by the time I left work. Why would our already snarled highways need to be shoveled for the completely incorrectly termed "rush hour" commute.

We've elected a new mayor, but he doesn't take over for a while...

We still have another mayor, but he's in name only as he had most of his powers stripped away BEFORE the election owing to personal misconduct.

I don't even effing know who to complain to about the snowplow thing.

It doesn't matter.

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Oh… It IS the Pan Am Games? When is it? July 2015? Good. Construction might ease up a bit by then… then again there might be more crowds (might)… but surely they will all take our superior city transportation system known as the TTC.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Sorry… I couldn't even type that with a straight face.

I still love Toronto for some reason but…

Don't move to Toronto.

Do you know what I hate?

Plenty of things, but let's stay on topic.

I hate…

Driving in Toronto.

People Who Don't Understand Halloween Rules

Do you know what I hate?

People who don't understand Halloween rules.

(Photo above by Sandro Mancino, clearly shows a house that likes and understands Halloween.)

I'm not talking about the folks who either don't have any more candy to give out, or don't have the funds to blow on candy, or simply don't believe in it - that's your right.

What pisses me off are people who don't follow the known Halloween rules.

Look... I know that there are no written down rules for Halloween - unless some dumb author has created some... but really, it's a tradition where kids walk around in a costume, ring a doorbell or knock and scream out: "Trick or Treat!" The door opens, treats are given out. Kids say thank-you and then check out what they got before moving on to the next house. Kids don't do tricks anymore - at least not usually.

Now... if you are new to the country from a place where Halloween isn't done - that's cool... you just don't know how things work...

How do the kids know which houses to go to for the treats?

First off... as a former kid, we used to have an unofficial grapevine where kids would go out with buddies and talk to other kids - strangers - and find out which house was giving away cans of pop or popcorn balls or the best candies. It was always worth the hike to find a house that gave away cream soda - not the pink stuff, but rather the clear or so-called white variety! Parents stayed home and doled out candy and were only seen on the street with kids under the age of 7. Maybe.

You hit every house on the street because every house on the street participated and you'd end up with three garbage bags filled with candy and a surefire bellyache and dentist visit later.  

Now... it's different. Not everyone participates... so how do you know which places have treats?

1) Well... you don't bother the houses with the lights off. That's a rule. That house has decided to not participate in Halloween... or they had to go out somewhere - fair enough. At least they are telling you not to bother them and are saving the kids some time.

2) The outside lights are on at a house. That's a rule. That house has candy. Go and do your quasi-legal begging.

3) You have a pumpkin outside your door. That's a rule. That house is into Halloween and will supply you with candy. Outside lighting is optional.

Which brings me to what happened this evening, as two dads, a mom, a grandfather and I paraded our kids around the cold and wet streets of suburban Toronto - Shaver North in Etobicoke. An area I have lived in for over 40 years... and I can tell you that it is a pretty damn White and affluent area... and everybody knows what Halloween is... and you can participate or not participate as you choose. 

The second house we visited - the second - had a large pumpkin sitting outside the front door. Lights were on in the very visible living room, but the front lights were NOT on.

Still... the pumpkin outside is an invitation for kids to come and ply their trick or treating on the members of the household.

After the kids ran up and rang the door bell... we waited 10 seconds... no one came to the door... but we did see two middle-aged people inside come up to the living room windows right beside the front door and lower and then close the Venetian blinds!

What complete a-holes!

Why sucker little kids in by showcasing the very large pumpkin outside the front door and then tell everyone via the window blinds, that you aren't interested in Halloween?

What's with the damn pumpkin?!

Was it just for decoration?

Why? You obviously don't care about Halloween, because you chose not to participate in the fattening of the children.

So why purchase a pumpkin and place it outside the door?

Vanity? you suck.

If my kid wasn't there, I would have egged your place myself. Or stolen or destroyed the pumpkin you obviously don't deserve. 

You don't fug around with kid's emotions. Get with the program! Learn the rules of, in this case, Halloween! Ignorance of the rules, as the police will tell you about various things, is no excuse.

Do you know what I hate?

People who don't understand Halloween rules.

Rogers Telecommunications

Do you know what I hate?

I hate Rogers Telecommunications.

Yeah - it could be about how their Toronto Blue Jays baseball team disappointed me yet again in 2014 - but no...

I am extremely disappointed with my so-called Rogers telecommunications experience.

I was a Rogers employee for a number of years, and enjoyed a Rogers employee discount of 50% off on such items as baseball tickets, internet, TV and telephone, but didn't whine about losing it after my magazine was sold off by Rogers a few years ago to another company whom I currently enjoy working for.

I'm a pretty loyal guy.

I have always been a staunch supporter of the Rogers brand - having personally been helped by then-owner and president Ted Roger's secretary in a time of need - which sucks that I needed to use her aid when standard customer service should have sufficed.

Other ways the family is connected historically include: my father-in-law being invited to come and talk with Ted Rogers over a book he wrote on Reginald Fessenden; and my wife's great aunts both used to babysit Ted's dad, Edward, back in the turn of the last century.

So - I like Rogers... but lately, it's been a grind.

I have had no resolution on an e-mail of mine that no longer works properly - being blocked by others... since February of 2014.

I was called in March 2014 by Rogers offering me great deals that would save me lots of money and speed up my Internet - thereby reducing my monthly bill... but a fire alarm hit the call center and despite promising to call back, no one ever did.

My most recent call in was regarding my television signal cutting out. It did this in the summer of 2013 too, when a technician came out and changed the wires.

This time, no one suggested a technician, only that it was going to be looked at... right.... when? I have no proof that it was.

But what was particularly galling was the fact that I followed the Rogers technical advice left on the phone while I awaited a chat with the company... so I tried to reboot my system... unfortunately, at that time my Rogers PVR box began to fail and reboot itself and reboot itself...

The tech said I might need a new PVR box (which I now need to have my television work to receive all those 500+ wonderful channels I pay for), but it does appear as though my television signal is strong - their thought being that since the signal was strong, the PVR box might be the issue as to why my television signal would cut out and become garbled. Fine. My issue is not with the tech.

She suggested I might want talk to a Rogers Customer Service rep... to see if they could help me out.

I own my TV PVR box. I bought it a few years ago with a Christmas bonus from work and used my Rogers 50% employee discount - which was the only way I could actually afford to purchase such a PVR box. I own it.

I understand that things break... but five years? That's it? That sucks... I mean brand new that PVR box cost $500 (not including any discounts).

I was polite with the Rogers Customer Service rep I talked to and she, though terse, was also polite.

Basically, she said I need to purchase a new PVR box.

Well, guess what? I don't have $500 to spend on this. I could rent one, but I don't have the money to add to my bill. I simply don't.I informed her of my financial quandary.

Basically, I was looking for (asking) Rogers to take some responsibility for providing customers with unsatisfactory equipment for a large cost that does not work effectively for a long time... the fact that Rogers only has a 2-year warranty on the product implies that Rogers doesn't believe it to last much longer than that.  

I wanted that Rogers Customer Service rep to make me an offer of some sort of aid - but none was offered - just the silent 'boo-hoo, buy a new PVR box' telepathy offered by her.

No one is saying the equipment a customer purchases to make the service you provide need work forever... but when it fails, perhaps some customer service... some actual care for the customer would be nice - and not just lip service, but an actual thoughtful solution that won't break the customer's bank.

I have been contacted numerous times by Bell, and have been offered a rate that is pretty close to the 50% discount I previously enjoyed as part of the Rogers family. And yet I have not gone over. I nearly did thanks to the uncaring sales rep - which might not be her fault, as I am sure it is possible she was 'just following orders.' Yup - the telecommunications industry is heil (sp).

After mentioning to the Rogers Customer Service rep that Bell had made overtures to me with excellent deals, the Rogers Customer Service rep volunteered to help me change over to Bell - there was no fight in her - 'no please don't go'... 'no let me see how we can keep you as a loyal customer because we understand that not every Rogers customer is a rich baseball player'.

No... none of that was offered... it was just, 'let me transfer you over to someone who can help you leave Rogers.'

So she did just that. She transferred me over to the disconnection section of Rogers Telecommunications.

The wait time, I was informed by a recorded message was 20-minutes before I would be able to talk to someone.

It's sad that there are that many people trying to leave Rogers... or that they even have to wait that long to leave.

Hey Rogers - do you really want to know how my Rogers experience is?

No one at Rogers fights to keep me as a customer. No one fights for me to stay... and when I do try to leave, they tell me I have to wait 20 minutes before even that can be begun to be accomplished.

I hung up. I have work to do.

I mean... all told... if I hung around the requested 20 more minutes... I might have wasted some four hours of my life in 2014 trying to resolve issues or trying to receive some imaginary cost-savings... which is funny, because my time is worth $125 an hour. At least.

It's many months later as I complete this essay (I began it moments after talking to the curt Rogers Customer Service rep - and no one from Rogers has ever dared to call me again to make me an offer I can't refuse. No one has ever called back to tell me my e-mail issues are resolved.

Yeah - I know they don't have to offer me any help whatsoever with regards to a new PVR box for my television. But it would have been nice if they had been human about it.

Oh yeah - all these months later... that same PVR box seems to be working just fine. So it wasn't the PVR box that was the problem, though there is still the occasional seconds-long garbled signal on the TV.

Rogers tried to get me to pay $500 or whatever it costs now for a new PVR box... or what... pay a monthly rental fee for a NEW PVR box - when obviously I didn't need one.

Rogers never adequately resolved the Television issue for me - the PVR box I own is in remission on its own, or the television signal took some steroids even though I was previously told it was strong enough.

Rogers never resolved my e-mail issues. Not only did they never call me regarding their handling of it - my phone number and OTHER e-mail account was always given, but they would claim they resolved it, shut down the ticket (complaint project) - not actually checking with me to see if it WAS resolved to my satisfaction.

It never was... and I had to open up I think four (for sure) or five tickets to try and resolve the problem after all other tickets were closed by Rogers prematurely.

I still am unable to properly send and receive emails with one of my e-mail accounts - one I have used for about five years until this past February for one of my writing businesses.

Rogers never called me again to provide me with the once-offered cost savings for my TV, Telephone and Internet. I guess the fire alarms must be ringing so loudly at Rogers that they must have had their Bell rung.

And NO - I don't want to bundle in any wireless telephone for more cost-savings because I don't have a wireless telephone. This WAS asked of me during a couple of times I called in - I realize you have to ask, but...

No - I don't want a wireless telephone form Rogers because - haven't you been listening?! - I can't afford one. Certainly not after losing my Rogers 40% employee discount. Besides... who would I call? Certainly not Rogers Customer Service!

In short, Rogers has failed in its customer service.

So... who wants to make me a better offer? Yes... I'm still with Rogers... it's that damn loyalty thing.

Do you know what I hate?

I hate Rogers Telecommunications. There... you made me say it. I don't like saying it... but dammit... you just don't care about me - the customer.

I will say, however, that Rogers is pretty damn quick to contact you should not make a bill payment. So someone knows how to do their job. Hey... they need the money to pay for all the hockey and baseball... I guess Rogers likes its games.

People... feel free to write in about your own Rogers 'experience'. I don't judge.

By the way... the TD Bank wants me to come into their bank with my wife this weekend, but the person my wife talked to today (Tuesday) refused to properly explain to her why.... I'm the principle on the second Visa card (I also have one with CIBC that I use solely), but that was because my wife couldn't get one on her own. She's maxed out, but still makes the minimum payment on it monthly - sometimes late admittedly, but always pays it... and the line of credit we have with TD Bank.
So... I'm wondering if I'll have another tale to tell shortly. 
You can read about the fun myself and others have had with the CIBC HERE.

Not Finding Supernatural On TV

Do you know what I hate?

It's not finding my favorite show on TV - Supernatural... specifically Season 10 in Ontario, Canada.

Considering its stars practically live in Vancouver nine months of the year while it has been filming for lo these past 10 years, you think someone in Ontario would pick it up and broadcast it!

CHCH out of Hamilton had done that the previously bunch of years - but no longer.

What's a loyal viewer to do?

All one can do is Bay to the Pirate gods a day after the show is to have aired and thank the lucky gods that some Americans think enough to share it - or so I hear.

I wouldn't know.

Do you know what I hate?

It's not finding my favorite show on TV - Supernatural.

Illogical Logic

Do you know what I hate?

Illogical logic.

So… how's your week going?

Mine's mostly meh, but it's because it's neither good nor bad.

Although my son may not be playing soccer this year, owing to baseball commitments, I will once again help out with a soccer team as an assistant coach in an effort to even out the nice left-arm of the sunglasses tan I have on my face right now thanks to a mere 40 minutes out at a local batting cage this past weekend.

I can only imagine what some of you folks with a pale complexion, like my wife, must be dealing with.

But it's not all rosy me.

For those of you who know or maybe even care, I spend most of my creative writing time putting out a daily blog called "Japan—It's A Wonderful Rife" for… hmm… coming up to the five year anniversary in a few months time.

It was originally done to be a somewhat chronological diary that would showcase the 88 or so comedic columns I wrote about my three-year stay in Japan between 1990-1993 while a junior high school English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.

I actually open the blog with the weird statement: "I didn't want to go to Japan. To be perfectly frank, I was just trying to get laid."

I explain how I was a near-26-year-old virgin that had never left home before despite seven years of post-secondary education, and that I rarely had a woman smile at me (still a concern as the years go by), nor had any knowledge of how to look after myself as I had never cooked, cleaned, done laundry or gone shopping before… I might have gone shopping once or twice with the boys in preparation of a camping trip. I'm pretty sure a couple of women somewhere have smiled at me as I walked away.

By the way… you know how they say that every camping trip always has one guy who snores like a jet plane with asthma? Don't you believe it! And while I won't speak for my fellow happy campers, I've always had a nice, peaceful sleep.

You see… that's the sort of self-deprecating humor I use.

Right from day one, I utilize that same style of "let's poke fun of others" but "make sure you poke fun at yourself" kind of writing. The point that is evident to people with a sense of humor and a functional brain is that everyone is the same, but different.

In Japan, I did learn how to do all the little things, as I suppose I learned them all through osmosis by watching my parents all those years... and despite trial and error, I did learn how to grow up and as a child of the 1960s am still learning how to grow up on a daily basis.

I don't think the Japanese people are any different than anyone else… they live, love, laugh, hate, work, have family, eat, play, have sex and die - hopefully not in that order. Yeah, politics and religion and other crap is part of the equation, but all in all, aside from different circumstances, they are the same as everyone else.

It's that attitude that made surviving Japan a pretty simple experience for me - regardless of how frustratingly difficult or easy or was on a daily basis.

Anyhow… I'm not sure when or why I decided to deviate from merely writing out the funny stuff about Japan to offer news or features or essays or opinion pieces on everything from art, social stuff, history, geography, religion, war, to the sights, the sounds, the smells of Japan, but I also decided to offer up my daily diary… which can get downright sexy, and thus increasingly nauseating for those of you with more puritanical tastes than myself.

It's all pretty funny.

It's about MY evolution… as a person… where yeah, I come off looking and sounding like a complete egotistical ass clown, because in hindsight, that's how I see myself 20 years removed… but of course, back then, everyone else was wrong and I was right.

I make no apologies for my past life's ass-ness. I admit it. I see it. I don't revel in it, and if it appears as though I do, you can be pretty damn sure it's me and my sense of humor.

Apparently I have one. I have proof!

When I left EB Games (a video game store chain store) at Sherway Gardens in Toronto yesterday with my son, the clerk thanked me for the laughs… you know, because I actually talked to him as a person - something I actually do quite often at places I walk into…. it's why any store I frequent more than once - they know who I am... and even if it's not true, it sure seems like I get that special service that makes me feel special. (I like to believe that the folks I deal with are actually nice staff, and treat everyone that way whether they deserve it or not.)

Anyhow… here's a poor segue... I sometimes put out these blogs that deal with sex.

I try to be fair and present the facts or the fallacies and when I say I don't know something, I'm pretty straightforward about it, but since this is also MY blog, if I say something, it's because that is what I know… though I will preface it by stating it's not necessarily the gospel truth, just the facts as I know them to be.

I have often gone through multiple, multiple sources of information, each one conflicting the other in an effort to provide a one-stop-shop of factual information… I've spent 20 hours researching some of these blogs, and almost as long writing one or two of them, just because I want to give my best effort with the best information possible.

If you care to read it, I care to provide good, honest information.

So I wrote an article entitled: Why Japanese Women Like Gaijin (Foreign) Men, sort of as a companion piece as to why Japanese Men Like Gaijin Women.

I explained the pro's and con's to the best of my ability.

I am extremely self-deprecating in this article:

"I did okay considering my fair to middling looks... and yet, of all those opportunities, only once did I ask a woman out.

Every other time... I was asked out by the women. Both gaijin and Japanese women."

Or, how about this one:

"I thought - for the first time in my life - that I was hot sh!t. Of course... by the time I got to Japan at the age of 25, I was still a virgin. So, hot or not, I still had that problem filling me with self-doubt every time I looked at a woman."

And so…  I always find it amusing when I get hate mail accusing me of being a sex addict or disgusting misogynist pervert.

Here's such a comment that I received on Monday, May 26, 2014. I'll leave the typos in, because fug… typos are typos… everyone makes them.

"An intersting testimony, but the way you speak about yourself is disgusting.
A kind of overconfident sex addicted. After having watched a few Bollywood film, i think it's a comon for people of your ethnicity. Males chauvinis thinking to be wonderful. I see it with people from India being financialy succesful in the US. Such arrogant and unfriendly people.
Neverless looking to the scholl programms in the USA and Canda compared to Europe you are all under educated."

So… the story I wrote is interesting, but apparently because I am perceived to be someone who can easily talk about sex and enjoys sex, I am disgusting, which helps explain why over 1-billion people from India are arrogant and unfriendly.

I love stuff like this…

Okay… I can't resist. TYpos:

• 'intersting' should be 'interesting';
• 'comon' should be 'common';
• 'chauvinis' should be 'chauvinist';
• 'financialy' should be 'financially';
• 'sucessful' should be 'successful';
• 'Neverless' should be 'Nevertheless';
• 'scholl' should be 'school';
• 'programms' should be 'programs' or 'programmes';
• 'Canda' should be 'Canada'.

Not bad… only nine typos, which I hope are typos, otherwise our scholl system am in dyer straights.

Well... maybe not Canada's. Every kid is forced to be able to read the back and understand the back of a hockey card by the time they are 24-months-old. 

So… should I be concerned about this Anonymous commentator's racist comments and generalizations?

No, not really… it's a free country… or at least I assume he or she is from a 'free-country'… and everyone is entitled to their opinion and everyone's opinion is correct, even if they aren't correct. That's why they are called opinions and not unadulterated facts.

Do you think the person writing in realized they were racist by damning all people from India as arrogant and unfriendly merely because that's what he or she has come up against in their daily life of watching Indian Bollywood movies?

Why watch a Bollywood movie if they hate Indians? Well, because he or she doesn't hate Indians… he or she just finds them arrogant and unfriendly.


Dude or Dudette, you should know that Indians often describe themselves as the most racist people on the planet, as they seem to hate everyone or dislike everyone who isn't of their caste or religion or from their province.

Maybe that's true, but maybe it's not. One person said that - my father did a long time ago, and I doubt he would own up to saying something like that now, but I've never taken it as the one and only truth.

To be fair, I've met a lot of arrogant and unfriendly people from a lot of countries, including: Russians, Americans, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, England, Italy, Croats, Serbia, Bosnia, Mexico, Philippines (actually, not from there), Germans (actually, not from here either)… but you get the idea… there are idiots everywhere… both arrogant and unfriendly, but I've also met so many other people from those countries and more where it's the exact opposite.

I might sometimes come across as being arrogant and unfriendly, but that might be because of a certain circumstance… but that's not who I am.

And to say that you have formed an opinion of an entire race of people from a country - these brown Caucasians - just because you've watched a few crappy movies, is quite hilarious to me.

Perhaps we should use the American media view of Indians whereby we are all clerks at a convenience store (like Apu on The Simpsons), or brainiac nerds like Raj on The Big Bang Theory, which of course doesn't explain why there are these other three brainiac white nerds on that show, if we must talk about color.

Or maybe that guy who played Kumar in those awful, but still funny Harold and Kumar flicks, or maybe that Bug guy on Crossing Jordan. 

Or, maybe we talk about all of the white guys who play Indian dudes in movies… like Ben Kingsley as Ghandi or that dude in Short Circuit? Yeah, I know that somewhere in his past Kingsley has some Indian blood - probably that's why he's arrogant and unfriendly.

One of my best bud's is a white guy who drives a taxi… not an arrogant and unfriendly brown guy. Who knew that there were white taxi drivers? Stereotype! Thank god, he's not brown... we wouldn't want the smell of curry from some rag head to upset people's delicate constitutions as they are being shuttled drunk from one bar to the next.

Regarding the commentator... he or she sees arrogance and unfriendliness from successful Indians in the U.S. Man or Woman... stop hanging out at those places. If you are talking about people you work with, well, not being an overly successful brown guy living in Canda, I'll defer to your knowledge on such topics.

But come on.. just because you are either too lazy or too ignorant to understand the nuances of the written English word as presented in my blogs, it's no reason to denounce an entire race anonymously.

Look… have an opinion, all you like… you'll note I haven't removed it from the blog. I don't give a sh!t.

Keep the language clean, but it would be nice if you could actually comment about the points in the article, maybe WHY you were looking for this topic (you don't just accidentally find this topic via Google, unless directed here by some other strange blog or website - and then... why would you want to read it, especially if it's being written by a guy you think is Indian. I'm Canadian, chickie-poo. Perhaps you should slam all Canadians, because my social upbringing was formed in Canda! Wahoo! Everybody get cancer and smoke weed! Yeah! Every night is hockey night! We love the fact that we get more snow in Toronto than in Buffalo and Minneapolis! We love the fact that women in Toronto are legally allowed to go topless!!! Yeah - healthcare that doesn't bankrupt people, because we put people before dollars! Yeah, let's go burn down the White House again like we did 200 years ago! Crap... can we have our Stanley Cup back, because nothing says hockey better than a team from Los Angeles winning it. Anaheim, not excepted. Wahoo! Canadians!)… but unless you want to sign your real name - and why wouldn't you? What have you got to be afraid of? - please keep your racist comments and thoughts to yourself.

Do you know what I hate?

Illogical logic.

McDonald's Happy Meal Toys Not Always As Advertised

Do you know what I hate?

I hate that McDonald's Happy Meal toys are not always as advertised - like the toy in the photo above that is still being given away 18 months after it was first released.

I really, really hate the hit or miss aspect of the Happy Meal toys at McDonald's.

Now... let me get this out of the way... I enjoy eating the McDonald's menu here in Toronto, Canada.

I am aware that by living in Toronto, I may not be privy to such awesome golden arches fare as Japan's teriyaki burger (which is quite good - I lived in Japan for three years - read my blog about my adventures: HERE), but the rather plain-jane food I do get is good.

I can almost hear the collective gasps and sucking in of air between the teeth, as I admit to such horrendous admissions of horror.

Yeah, yeah... I don't even care what animal I'm eating, all I know is that I like the food. Although I am always a little confused when I find out that the McRib is coming back for a short period of time, as I had always believed that the animal flesh it was carved from had long since been extinct.

Strangely enough, I actually want to go to McDonald's more than my eight-year-old son, Hudson, and while he enjoys his Happy Meal, he is becoming more and more disillusioned with the great big upside down dubba-ya, as apparently not all McDonald's restaurants are created equal.

For example, while I could go on and on about various deficiencies at any particular fast food chain, the McD's in Toronto, on Dundas just west of Kipling is the one closest to me... and while I have noticed some improvement, with the manager tossing out food that was waiting too long for its companion foods (still shouldn't happen, as that costs money), the shop seems to be getting worse and worse in the way it works with children... who should be the lifesblood of its once and future kingdom.

By that, I mean... the Happy Meal, and more specifically, the Happy Meal 'toy'.

Once up on a time it came in a paperboard box - and sometimes it does - and sometimes it doesn't - and it had games and cut-outs and things to amuse the children. Sometimes it comes in a Happy meal paper bag, and there are fewer things to play with and nothing to push-out... and then it comes in the regular no-fun, non-Happy Meal paper bag.

And then there's the kid's toy.

On national television, McDonald's cheekily advertises it's kid's Happy Meal and brazenly proclaims to the clamoring rabble that "xxx" toys are available for the girls, and "yyy" toys are available for the boys... but when you finally give in to the annoying anthill mob and take the kids to McDonald's and order the Happy Meal, and are asked to verify if the meal is for a boy or a girl... rather than receive one of the six advertised toys (and I checked the availability dates), we instead get a toy, oh... let's say SpongeBob SquarePants... that the company first began giving away back in the summer of 2012.

It was a toy giveaway for SpongeBob, yes, but also for the 2012 Summer Olympics! It's 2014 and the Winter Olympics are on! Why am I still receiving this bullcrap toy??!!  

And they continue to give them away at this restaurant because ordering in a butt-load of kid's toys once in 2012 is a whole lot easier than ordering in the latest kid's toys in smaller amounts every few weeks... because who needs to make kid's happy when all you need to do is provide convenient food in a timely manner - sometimes making people (like me) wait over 10 minutes for a kid's Happy Meal (hamburger, fries, yogurt, chocolate milk), a Big Mac sandwich, and a Angus Burger (bacon & cheese) meal (with a Coke)... having to make the Happy Meal twice because it was sitting out on the counter (not even under a heat lamp)...

... and while the manager did say sorry for the wait (thank-you), there was no "thank-you and here's a coupon for a free small fries for your next visit" - which ensures that there will be a next and then having to go home and discover that the kid's toy is from the 2012 Summer Olympics SpongeBob SquarePants set of 16.

A set of 16? The Olympics were on for what 21 days? Do they expect parents to take their kids to McDonald's 16 times to get the whole set?

If I do that, my kid will never make an Olympic team!

What is even more sad is that the 2014 Winter Olympics are on now. What the hell do we want with a kayaking summer Olympic toy in February of 2014? We don't.

My kid is so disgusted. We have agreed to never go to that McDonald's again, and will gladly drive the extra distance to a McDonald's that actually offers the toy that is being advertised nationally.

Again... I am aware that McDonald's is franchised... but the head office needs to get a better grip on some of its representatives.

I am tired - and so is my son - of receiving crap.

I am aware that you - McDonald's - state that the toys are at participating McDonald's in teeny-tiny letters on your television adverts, but that is still not good enough.


It is still the illegal practice of "bait and switch", and it sucks.

You don't even want to know how many times my kid has been stuck with one of these LEFTOVER toys - and they are leftovers! - the money I've wasted because he wants a particular toy, only to discover we;ve been ripped off again... or it it still... whatever.

I guess not all McDonald's restaurants are not created equally. 

Hey - I know you give out good toys with the happy meal, like the Batman glasses:

I look like I'm constipated, but these McDonald's Batman glasses are dynamic.

... and the new LEGO Movie lenticular cups such as this that change images:

All cats are evil.

But... that's because I can't trust the McDonald's near me to get my order correct, get it to me in a timely fashion, or to provide my kid with a truly happy meal.

Because... let me tell you... there is nothing worse for a parent than having to placate an upset kid who was supposed to get a Happy Meal and a toy he saw advertised on television. If you can't trust television...

For the record... I like the McDonald's at Bloor and Markland in west Etobicoke. They never screw around with a kid's happiness re: toys.

Do you know what I hate?

I hate that McDonald's Happy Meal toys are not always as advertised.

Getting Older

Do you know what I hate?

I hate getting older.

Sure the alternative is that I stop getting older because I am dead, but all told, the pain-in-the-ass little things that accompany wisdom with age are annoying.

In my 30s I began to go grey. When I was 40, I cut my pony-tail - grown for the last time - off.

I did it for two reasons:

One - because I was 40 and not George Carlin.

Two - because I had developed grey in my long curly and wavy tresses (it was half-way down my back). Now grey I could handle (maybe)... but this was a long patch of 22-inch-long white grey hair that went straight down the middle of my long hair.

I looked like a chocolate version of Pepe LePew...

So I cut off those wonderful tresses… have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz movie - the original…. you know what the cowardly lion looked like? That was my hair. I was beautiful in a masculine sort of way.

Man... I was the king of the forest.

Put'em-up, old age… I'll fight you with one paw behind my back.

Ugh... I'm going broke buying boxes of Just For Men.

In my 20s and early 30s, I often grew a French-cut beard in a few days - and looked pretty good in it… but then the grey hairs started popping up on my face. And now I won't grow a beard again. Too much salt and not enough pepper.

And now it's grey hairs in my nose! WTF is that? Why is it wiry? Why does it grow so fast? Why is it clustering right near the front? I also have to trim the nose hairs nearly daily or I'll go completely feral!

My eyebrows… who would have thought it… I really have to pay attention to my eyebrows… the frigging things want to start growing all over the place like an unkempt Russian garden. So I get out the weed whacker and deal with it.

At least I have always plucked the few odd hairs to ensure I had two eyebrows. Those don't seem to be growing as much anymore.

But… I have also noticed that my hairline is receding…. and why is there a single ultra fine blonde hair growing out of the middle of my forehead?!

I've slept with many a blonde honey, but have never, myself, been a blonde before. Also… I'm pretty sure my hairline was never that low. Caveman yes, low hairline like that - never!

And why is that single hair suddenly four inches long?! I searched for it yesterday and it wasn't there - but it's there today!

And is my hair thinning at the back?! Oh crap! It is! Why is my hair thinning back there?

Why is there hair growing out of my ears? I'm plucking those bastards all the time! And shaving the fuzz on the lobes!

Thankfully I'll never know if I'm going grey down... there.

But dammit… my chest is going grey. And are those grey hairs on my arm?! I have to pluck them, too!

And I don't even want to know what's going on on my back!

Okay… enough of the hair brained comments…even though I have always been particularly vain about my hair. It was the one vanity I had that I would admit to.

How come I'm suddenly a size 11-1/2 shoe? I was a 10-1/2 until two years ago! And now I also have an extra wide foot? What the hell? I used to have the perfect foot-long foot… now it's bigger! And wider. Oh well… at least I won't tip over anytime soon.

And… a big foot means a larger wang, right? Let me check. Nope… it's not growing. Dammit. I probably shouldn't have checked that here at work.

Growing older, I find that I grunt as I sit down and grunt as I get up. It's not a strenuous activity, so why I am doing it?

I tore my meniscus (fibrous cartilage in my knee) two years ago doing Tae Kwon Do. Thank god it was something macho like that.

I tore it when I was stretching my quad muscles… kneeling and then leaning backwards. When I was younger… even as little as 10 years ago… I could lie all the way back and place my back flat on the ground with my legs under me. Years of soccer and years of cardio and weight training at the gym were also part of my routine… granted… I hadn't been part of a serious training regimen since 1999…but even as I lay vertically declined and pushed weights in the 700-pound range and higher, I always joked that the muscles would never fail me, but my knees would.

Who knew that I was Nostradamus the Second. Not I, apparently, or I would never have abused my knees that much.

This time - pop goes the meniscus, and now I have something that needed an X-Ray, and MRI and a CT Scan to diagnose. The good news? I don't need an operation because it's only a Level 2 tear. The bad news? It never heals. It hurts when I run or kick a soccer ball or climb the stairs or cross my legs for too long… I can only make it worse, get to a Level 3, have an operation and not have it feel any better because the arthritis pain that started after I hurt it, will always be there.

On the plus side, I'm teaching myself to kick a ball with my left foot... but planting that right leg to properly strike it is a bugger.

I've already had my first kidney stone. High cholesterol? Sleep apnea? Need to cut down on sugar…

Oh - how the mighty have fallen.

In my late 20s and 30s, women used to chase me for dates... and now... even if I caught fire at work I don't think a woman would stop to even spit on me a little.   

I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror… which is okay, because….

This past February through April… my vision went south and now I was told I needed to wear glasses… on top of my contact lenses when I want to read a book or write - which sucks considering I'm a writer and voracious reader.

And why do I hate so many things? Have I become a grumpy old man? The only positive is that I haven't been grumpy enough to write a blog here in five months - but my buddy Christian at the Toronto west LEGO store kind of urged me to write one this past Monday... so this one is for you!

Is this middle age? Will I live to be 100? No? Then I'm long past middle age! That sucks even more, now that I have actually written it.

On the plus side… I still have my health. Riiiii-iiight.

Do you know what I hate?

I hate getting older.