Driving In Toronto

Do you know what I hate?

It's driving in Toronto.

Image above: @BlueBunnyBlog/Twitter from November 19, 2014 - Avenue Road, Toronto. 

I'm a good driver. I don't have any tickets, I don't swerve in and out of traffic. I will let cars change lanes in front of me if they are signaling to do so. I drive the speed limit and even more if that is what traffic around me dictates - keeping up without being stoopid.

I even keep my car in good shape, topped up - thanks Kelly's Garage in Etobicoke - tires filled… I even clean off the snow from my car so that it doesn't blow all over the cars behind me… you know… because I don't want to be an a$$shole.

Also… I don't (no longer) drive excessively fast… not that I could even if I wanted to.

Welcome to Toronto… a supposedly world-class North American city that now - infamously - has longer traffic commutes than even the oft-parodied Los Angeles.

Yeah… next time you see Hollywood or TVLand make fun of the pains of driving in LA, just know that it's worse in Toronto.

Plus we have snow.

Now.. we don't have as much snow in Toronto as say… Buffalo… or Minnesota - just two examples that come to mind… in fact, I wonder if we even have as much snow as Boston, Chicago or New York… you star athletes keep that in mind when choosing your destination - I'm talking to you NBA players! yeah… I'd rather play in Miami or someplace warm, too. Wimps.

I don't mind the cold. It's 24F this day, and I'm not wearing a sweater and I'm still wearing my spring jacket. It's Toronto and it's not really that bad yet.

Yesterday evening - Wednesday, November 20, 2014 - it was a nice brisk day… I went for a drive at lunch - just around the block because sometimes one has to clear the mind. No snow on the ground… nothing.

But… by 4PM, snow had fallen. Big whoop, I thought. How bad could it be?

Snow wise - no big deal… maybe two inches (five centimeters) - maybe three inches (7.5 cm).

Maybe.

I left work at 4:15PM.

I essentially drive on Highway 401 (4-lane), get off at Highway 409 (3-lane) (grand total of 20.5 kilometers), exit onto Martingrove Road (2 and then 1-lane) and drive the remaining seven or so kilometers to my house.

It's 27.5 kilometers. Not much.

Back in 1999 I first worked in the very same area (one street over).

Travel times (average):
1999: 20 minutes
2014: 40 minutes
November 19, 2014: 3 hours and five minutes. Yes… 185 minutes.

Take into account that the last bit of that ride - the 7.5 kilometers was done on city streets and only took about 15 minutes.

That means it took 170 minutes to drive 20 kilometers.

I'm not even going to talk about my bladder, suffice to say I did painfully walk up the stair of my house to get there in time.

Granted we had our first snowfall in Toronto - for fer crissakes it was only 5 centimeters (2-inches)!!!!!!

Look at the photo above... that was last night... not even any accumulation on the vehicles. 

I can't even blame construction - which is constant activity to prep for the games… Commonwealth? Pan Am? Whatever…

Olympics and World Championships… the rest is just a cash grab. You aren't even up against the best global athletes in many cases at events like the Pan Am Games or Commonwealth Games.

There were no accidents along my route. It was just traffic. 

Now… there was a salting truck on Highway 401 going westbound - but it was salting the shoulder.

I don't blame it… there was no need to salt the four-lane highway because there were NO snowplows doing their job - at least not in front of us.

Why should snowplows be on the road? It had only been snowing for three hours by the time I left work. Why would our already snarled highways need to be shoveled for the completely incorrectly termed "rush hour" commute.

We've elected a new mayor, but he doesn't take over for a while...

We still have another mayor, but he's in name only as he had most of his powers stripped away BEFORE the election owing to personal misconduct.

I don't even effing know who to complain to about the snowplow thing.

It doesn't matter.

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Oh… It IS the Pan Am Games? When is it? July 2015? Good. Construction might ease up a bit by then… then again there might be more crowds (might)… but surely they will all take our superior city transportation system known as the TTC.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Sorry… I couldn't even type that with a straight face.

I still love Toronto for some reason but…

Don't move to Toronto.

Do you know what I hate?

Plenty of things, but let's stay on topic.

I hate…

Driving in Toronto.

People Who Don't Understand Halloween Rules

Do you know what I hate?

People who don't understand Halloween rules.

(Photo above by Sandro Mancino, clearly shows a house that likes and understands Halloween.)

I'm not talking about the folks who either don't have any more candy to give out, or don't have the funds to blow on candy, or simply don't believe in it - that's your right.

What pisses me off are people who don't follow the known Halloween rules.

Look... I know that there are no written down rules for Halloween - unless some dumb author has created some... but really, it's a tradition where kids walk around in a costume, ring a doorbell or knock and scream out: "Trick or Treat!" The door opens, treats are given out. Kids say thank-you and then check out what they got before moving on to the next house. Kids don't do tricks anymore - at least not usually.

Now... if you are new to the country from a place where Halloween isn't done - that's cool... you just don't know how things work...

How do the kids know which houses to go to for the treats?

First off... as a former kid, we used to have an unofficial grapevine where kids would go out with buddies and talk to other kids - strangers - and find out which house was giving away cans of pop or popcorn balls or the best candies. It was always worth the hike to find a house that gave away cream soda - not the pink stuff, but rather the clear or so-called white variety! Parents stayed home and doled out candy and were only seen on the street with kids under the age of 7. Maybe.

You hit every house on the street because every house on the street participated and you'd end up with three garbage bags filled with candy and a surefire bellyache and dentist visit later.  

Now... it's different. Not everyone participates... so how do you know which places have treats?

1) Well... you don't bother the houses with the lights off. That's a rule. That house has decided to not participate in Halloween... or they had to go out somewhere - fair enough. At least they are telling you not to bother them and are saving the kids some time.

2) The outside lights are on at a house. That's a rule. That house has candy. Go and do your quasi-legal begging.

3) You have a pumpkin outside your door. That's a rule. That house is into Halloween and will supply you with candy. Outside lighting is optional.

Which brings me to what happened this evening, as two dads, a mom, a grandfather and I paraded our kids around the cold and wet streets of suburban Toronto - Shaver North in Etobicoke. An area I have lived in for over 40 years... and I can tell you that it is a pretty damn White and affluent area... and everybody knows what Halloween is... and you can participate or not participate as you choose. 

The second house we visited - the second - had a large pumpkin sitting outside the front door. Lights were on in the very visible living room, but the front lights were NOT on.

Still... the pumpkin outside is an invitation for kids to come and ply their trick or treating on the members of the household.

After the kids ran up and rang the door bell... we waited 10 seconds... no one came to the door... but we did see two middle-aged people inside come up to the living room windows right beside the front door and lower and then close the Venetian blinds!

What complete a-holes!

Why sucker little kids in by showcasing the very large pumpkin outside the front door and then tell everyone via the window blinds, that you aren't interested in Halloween?

What's with the damn pumpkin?!

Was it just for decoration?

Why? You obviously don't care about Halloween, because you chose not to participate in the fattening of the children.

So why purchase a pumpkin and place it outside the door?

Vanity? you suck.

If my kid wasn't there, I would have egged your place myself. Or stolen or destroyed the pumpkin you obviously don't deserve. 

You don't fug around with kid's emotions. Get with the program! Learn the rules of, in this case, Halloween! Ignorance of the rules, as the police will tell you about various things, is no excuse.

Do you know what I hate?

People who don't understand Halloween rules.