Walking Behind Women In Shopping Malls

Do you know what I hate?

It's walking behind women in shopping malls.

Do you see that photo above? I'm at the very back of that line, I'm hungry, and this is my daily nightmare.

Now hopefully that 'woman' crack wasn't too sexist a comment. It's an observation thought of every day as I walk through a busy shopping mall at lunch time searching for food or LEGO or Easter eggs or hair color (I'll deny it if directly asked).

I'm a quick walker, but I also have my wits about me. That means I observe when there are idiots on their cell phones ambling along the pathways like drunks on a bender, or small children walking without their parent's guiding hand ambling beside me so I can avoid them.

I purposely walk about 1-1/2 meters away from the store entrances/exits because people (women) frequently come barreling out of the stores without a care for what is walking in front of them.

I don't want to take anybody out with my 200-pound-plus frame and superior walking power. Despite body fat, I have a lot of muscle. I also have a purpose, and I know what it is when I enter any mall.

So I am observant.

I swerve out of the way of the children, incessant phone talkers, those people who walk slowly four abreast oblivious to the fact that there are other people in the mall.

And sometimes... I am forced to walk behind women. It happens every day I am in a shopping mall.

Normally - especially in the summer when the clothing is shorter - I enjoy walking behind women. I don't dawdle or ogle, but I look and admire briefly, with just the right amount of testosterone and intelligence so as not to be obscene.

I observe, because that is what I do. I look and I learn.

But despite my appreciation of the female form in all its glories, as mentioned, I really do hate walking behind women at shopping malls.

Why? Because women at shopping malls, whether alone or with a gaggle of other women like to stop suddenly in the midst of their walking.

Oh! There's something to look at! A sale on something I don't need or want! But it's on sale, so I'll actually be saving money!

Because I am ever vigilant, I am able to quickly side-step these bouncing Betty's, but it's still annoying. I'm getting older and pretty soon I won't be able to dodge my balls quickly enough to get out of your apparent right of passage.

I'm not saying I have the right of way - I don't. This is a shared information superhighway.

I am observant. I am wary of where I am and that there are other people in the mall - why can't they? Why do I have to avoid other people? I'm the faster and heavier vehicle on the road. I will run you down and you will possibly get hurt. I don't want to do that. You don't want me to do that. So why do you put yourself in possible harm's way?

It's like driving and being aware of your surroundings. I'm a damn good driver who no longer speeds. I've never smashed into anyone - but that's because I provide myself with enough time and space to react properly.

I expect other drivers to do the same, and to a large extent both male and female drivers do just that.

But at the mall, all bets are off.

So I have to dash to a side to avoid rear ending these women, which only sounds a lot more interesting and fun than what it really is.

It keeps me on my toes, but it's hardly fun for me.

If more people were aware of their surroundings and actually gave a rat's ass about other people, fewer people would get hurt or become an annoyance.

Why should I have to look out for your well-being as well as my own? It's not fair and I hate having to be responsible for everyone when all I want is to get rid of my grey (I'm not going grey!).

Kids, the elderly, pregnant women, women with strollers - whatever. That's cool.

I know it's rough, and I have no truck with you. But when I walked the malls with my son in his stroller, I was always aware of where we were. I didn't want him to get hurt.

And I don't want to hurt anyone... but can you give me a break, please?

Yeah, yeah... women like to shop while men go to malls to purchase. No problem. Just be aware.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
(Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 5)

Do you know what I hate?

It's walking behind women in shopping malls.